


Get Better

by auroraphilealis (xrosepetalsx)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-05 22:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4197765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xrosepetalsx/pseuds/auroraphilealis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Safe Haven is a place for troubled and unwanted children. Phil has been there for four long years, he's convinced himself that he's broken and unlovable. Everything changes though when he finds himself being adopted by the Howell's. Dan isn't exactly friendly and Phil's paranoid that every move might send him straight back to the youth shelter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really liked the idea for the story, I've never been adopted or lived in a youth shelter before so I apologize if anything is incorrect though. I don't know how well this is going to go over but hopefully it's somewhat enjoyable.

Safe Haven, “It’s not an orphanage,” they would say. No everyone wanted you to call it a “youth shelter” it sounded nicer. But as far as Phil could tell there was no difference. It was a place where troubled and unwanted kids where dumped off. That’s where they remained until they were either, A, adopted out or B, old enough to leave. It was a harsh cycle but once someone became a ward of the court they pretty much stayed that way.

 

 

“Lester, chores,” Ethan barked before he shoved a mop into Phil’s hands. “I’m not losing points this week for anyone.”  Phil fought off the urge to roll his eyes as he took the handle, already starting to go over some of the tiled floor. He’d been there for four years and not once had they ever went a week without points being docked for one reason or another.

 

 

Ethan and Phil had never gotten along but Ethan didn’t get along with anyone so it wasn’t as if Phil was special in that sense. Unlike Phil, Ethan had a family who he got to see regularly. Of course the courts wouldn’t ever allow Ethan to live there again, at least not until he’d turned eighteen but they allowed him weekly visits. And if he had enough _‘points’_ he got the stay the weekend.

 

 

Ethan was just one of a handful of kids who lived in the youth shelter. While nobody had the exact same story, they were similar enough for Phil to grasp the idea. He sighed softly as he pushed the mop across the floor, halfheartedly trying to clean an afternoon’s worth of stickiness off the lounge’s floor.

 

 

Friends didn’t really exist in the youth shelter. There was a bit of code of conduct that everyone followed. ‘I hate my life and I hate you too. I have to live with you though so let’s agree to stay out of each other’s way.’ Phil of course had no trouble living by the unspoken rule, in two years he’d be old enough to leave. He didn’t know where he’d go but at least he’d be out of there. For the time being it was best to stay out of everyone’s way.

 

 

“Excuse me young man, do you know where we can find Anglia Moore?” Phil jumped, nearly dropping the mop as he looked up from his work. There in front of him stood a man and a women, both looked to be middle aged. They weren’t exactly what he’d call young but they certainly weren’t old either. The woman had dark brown curly hair, the man’s hair was a lighter shade of brown and it was by far straighter than hers.

 

 

“Usually you have to make an appointment to see her,” he mumbled shyly as he fidget with the wooden handle. Phil was horrible with people, he always ended up stumbling over his words. Whenever he had to talk with anyone he’d become a nervous wreck. Being painfully shy and an awkward mess was not a good combination.

 

 

The woman smiled brightly at him, while her eyes twinkled softly as she looked at Phil in a way nobody had ever looked at him before. “We do, we checked in at the front desk and they directed us back to her office. We can’t seem to find her office though.” Phil averted his eyes back to the floor, somehow he felt very small in their presence.

 

 

“Y-You can go straight. Than take a left, her office is the second door on the right side,” Phil said before looking back up at them. He’d expected them to thank him before being on their way. It was strange enough that there’re was actually people in the building who were non-staff members, let alone ones who had stopped and talked to Phil. But they didn’t leave, instead they shared a glance before smiling once again at him.

 

 

“I’m Howard and this is my wife, Sharon. What’s your name?” The man asked with a light tone. They looked so normal and Phil really couldn’t stop himself from wondering why they were there in the first place. If they were looking to adopt they needed to try the building right behind Safe Haven, that’s where the younger children stayed. A happy place full of babies and toddlers, that’s where this family needed to be.

 

 

“Um, my name is Phil,” he said quietly as he shifted nervously once again. Why were they still talking to him? They both laughed and instantly Phil felt his face heat up. It was no surprise, of course they would pick up on how socially inept he was.

 

 

“Well it’s nice to meet you Phil, we appreciate you telling us where to find her,” The woman said before giving him another gentle smile. Like that though they were heading off to their appointment and Phil visibly relaxed. He knew he’d never see them again, nevertheless the encounter had thrown him off for the rest of the day.

 

 

The rest of the day was normal apart from that. He’d done his homework, ate dinner, helped with the dishes, and took a shower. He’d managed to avoid most everyone until it was time for bed. There were three beds to a room, girls in one ward, and boys in the other. It wasn’t that Phil hated his roommates, but the other two tended to get restless at night.

 

 

Colin was a year older than Phil was and Brandon was a years younger than he was. “Fucking, stop it!” Colin yelled as he tossed one of his pillows at Brandon’s side of the room. “Go to sleep!” Colin was a blond hair blue eyed seventeen year old who would have excelled in every area had his parents not been drug addicts. And Brandon was just a fifteen year old with ADHD who’d been in the system since he was five.

 

 

“I can’t, I’m not tired!” Brandon yelled back, his own dirty blond hair sticking up in odd angles as he bounced up down on his bed. Phil rolled his eyes as he grabbed his own pillow, placing it roughly over his head to cover his ears. They did this every night, Colin would yell about something Brandon was doing. Brandon would yell back. Until eventually Ethan who was in the next room over, would bang loudly on the wall and tell them that it was time to _‘go the fuck to sleep.’_

 

 

Turns out Phil had protected his ears just in time. Before Colin could even get his next words out there was a loud thumping on the wall and Ethan’s angry voice. “Assholes, go to bed!” It was muffled but still loud and clear. Phil rolled over on his side, dragging the blankets up as he tried to ignore the other two’s frustrated whispering. He put the pillow back under his head as he stared at the wall.

 

 

He’d go home if he knew where it was. Since he was thirteen he hadn’t had a home. He found it strange that he could long for a place he wasn’t even sure existed anymore. Maybe it was the past he was clinging so tightly to or maybe it was the fear of not knowing where he'd end up next.

 

 

 

 

When Phil woke up he knew exactly what he was going to do that day. It was the same thing he did every single day. Get up, go to school, come back, exist for six hours, go to sleep, and repeat. That morning though something was very different. Before his alarm had even gone off he felt someone shaking his shoulder. It took a few seconds for him to fully realize that Miss Moore was the one leaning over his bed, attempting to get him up. “Phillip, wake up,” She whispered into the still darkened room.

 

 

“I’m awake,” Phil mumbled as he rubbed his eyes with his palms. “What time is it?” Usually he didn’t get up until seven and from the lack of sunlight he knew for a fact it wasn’t seven yet. He blinked again, Colin and Brandon were still fast asleep in their own bed and he couldn’t imagine why she was waking him.

 

 

“I want you to see me in my office right before breakfast alright? We have to talk about something,” She said and he could tell whatever was happening was important. “You’re not in trouble but you need to hurry and get dressed alright.” Phil couldn’t do anything but nod in agreement. At least he wasn’t in trouble, well she had said he wasn’t anyway.

 

 

After she’d left Phil forced himself to get up and get ready for what he didn’t know. He’d tried to be as quite as he could though, he knew the other two wouldn’t be thrilled if he woke them up almost an hour early. Phil shuffled out of his pajamas and into a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. He pulled on a hoodie before attempting to comb his hair.

 

 

The walk to her office felt longer than it ever had before. He was doing fine in school and he hadn’t. once gotten in trouble in class or at the shelter. Logically there was no reason for him to see her.

 

 

Phil knocked on the door twice before silently stepping inside. He’d been in there before but it had been ages, the room even looked slightly different since he’d last visited. “You wanted to see me?” He asked somewhat nervously.

 

“Yes, Phillip please sit down.” She said as she grabbed a file from off her desk. Phil hated it when people called him Phillip. He’d tried to correct them at first but eventually he just gave in, the directors were going to call you by whatever your file said your name was. “I wanted to share some things with you.”

 

 

Phil’s scrunched his face in confusion but he did what he was told. He took a seat in front of her desk, shifting uncomfortably as he did so. “What’s wrong?” He asked, knowing that there was something up. How could there not be?

 

 

Miss Moore didn’t say anything for a long couple of seconds, instead she busied herself with moving things around, shuffling a few papers, and generally pretending like she hadn’t heard the question. “A couple were here yesterday. They’re looking into adoption and they were… _inquiring_ about you,” She finally said with a soft sigh.

 

 

Phil gave her a blank stare, there was no way anybody had asked about him. What couple was she talking about, it couldn’t be the two who had stopped him for directions yesterday afternoon. Could it? “I don’t understand,” Phil replied, shifting again.

 

 

“There was a message on the answering machine this morning, apparently they called sometime last night after hours.” She tapped her pen lightly against the desk as she tried to gauge the boy’s response. Phil didn’t know what to say, he felt numb, like everything was just background noise. “They want to meet you.”

 

 

“I’m almost eighteen though, you don’t think they’re serious do you?” Phil asked softly, his eyes falling to the floor. He didn’t know how he felt about someone actually wanting to meet him. It had never happened before. He didn’t want to think about the possibilities but he couldn’t stop himself.

 

 

“You’re only sixteen, Phillip. And I don’t know, you know these things fall through quite often. I’m not going to call your case worker just yet, not until everyone has gotten a chance to talk to this over.” Her tone held a certain amount of authority to it, one that made Phil sink down further into his seat. “This is by no means me telling you that you’re going to be adopted,” she paused for a moment, her hands grabbing at his file once again. “But they’re coming to see you at five today. I want you to be on your best behavior.”

 

 

Phil nodded before looking back at her. “Alright, Miss Moore,” He said flatly as he tried to block the whirlwind of that’s that swirled around his mind.

 

* * *

 

 

 

There was a special room for meetings with potential adopters. Of course it was used for other meetings but usually it was reserved for that exact situation. Phil could tell no one had been in there for a while, the room felt a bit stuffy and there was an overwhelming scent of furniture polish. No doubt someone had come in and dusted, more than likely five minutes before Phil had gotten there.

 

 

Half of him had expected the two not to show, the other half knew even if they did nothing would come of it. They would figure out that Phil was not a good match and they’d move along to someone else. There was no hope for him, it was just a fact he’d come to accept. Phil wasn’t bitter over it, no, he just knew there was no reason to make a big deal of something that would not come to pass.

 

 

He glanced at the clock, it was ten minutes past five. He wondered how long they were going to make him sit and wait for a couple who weren’t coming. Phil leaned back against the overstuffed chair and watched as the second ticked by. Soon enough those seconds turned to minutes and he started to become restless.

 

 

Ten minutes past turned into to twenty minutes past. Phil sighed before hauling himself out of his chair. They weren’t coming, not that he’d expected them to. He wanted to be irritated but really he knew he couldn’t. They hadn’t wasted his time, Phil had all the time in the world. He’d probably just be trying to finish up his history homework anyway.

 

 

Just as he moved to grab the door knob, the door flung open, reveling a very flustered couple. “Phil we are so sorry, we’re late!” Sharon said as she pushed the hair out of her face. “We’re usually on time,” she frowned, clearly upset that she’d kept Phil waiting. “Our son, Dan, he needed us to drop him off and…” She trailed off glancing to her husband for help.

 

 

“Dan needed a ride but forget his phone at home, we had to turn around and grab it, it set us all a little behind,” Howard confessed with an apologetic smile. Phil wished they’d calm down. Both of them were acting as if they’d committed some kind of crime.

 

 

“Oh, that’s okay. I didn’t mind waiting,” Phil mumbled before shuffling back over to his chair. So they had turned up after all? He watched as the two settled into the sofa, each trying to situate themselves. He chewed his lip nervously as he tried to think of something to say. Thankfully though it was Sharon who spoke up first.

 

 

“We’ve never done this before, I mean, adoption. We’re nervous,” she said with small smile. Phil’s jaw just about dropped, it hadn’t even been five minutes and already they were throwing around the _‘A’_ word? He knew they were just speaking generally but it was hard not to want to flinch when he heard that.

 

 

“We met you yesterday and we were really eager to meet you properly today. We figured we’d just get to know each other, you can tell us about yourself and we’ll tell you about us,” Howard said, leaning forward with interest. Right away Phil wondered how much they already knew about him. He sighed inwardly, they’d probably gotten to look though his file already.

 

 

“Well um, I’m Phil,” He started as he forced himself to keep eye contact. “I’m sixteen, but only for a couple more months.” He felt like that was very important information that he needed to put out there. “I do well in school…for the most part,” he admitted shyly, he couldn’t lie because they’d probably already seen his grades too. He trusted no privacy act or whatever, he’s sure the directors handed over his case as soon as they asked.

 

 

“What’s your favorite subject?” Sharon asked right after. Phil shrugged before remembering to be polite.

 

 

“I like English, it’s my best class.”

 

 

What he thought was going to be a brief visit turned into three hours with the Howell’s. He’d learned a lot about them, Sharon worked at a real-estate agency and Howard was a nurse. They had a son who was a couple years older than Phil was and a cat named Frank. Phil, in exchange, told them about how school was and what life at Safe Haven was like. He tried to stay away from the darker topics, knowing that neither of them wanted to hear it. Overall they seemed very nice but Phil thought much of it. Not until they asked if they could see him again on Friday.

 

 

He couldn’t very well say no, he felt like he was obligated to say yes. They were taking time away from their own lives to see him. That and it got Phil out of doing the dishes. And if there was a chance he could get out of dishes than he gladly would take the opportunity.

 

Friday came and they showed back up. Phil hadn’t expected it but he talked with them for another few hours. Again they asked if they could come back.

 

 

In fact a whole month went by and they continued to come. It wasn’t until the second month that Phil started to realize they weren’t going to miss their visits with him and that they weren’t just going to move on to the next kid. The situation was starting to become much more real and the A word was getting thrown around more and more.

 

 

In the beginning they had visited once or twice a week, by the end of the second month they were coming as often as they could. It could be three times a week or even four. Sometimes only Howard or Sharon would come. At first it was just a way to get out of doing the dishes but soon enough, Phil hated to admit it, he found himself opening up. He wasn’t about to sit down and tell them his sob story but they had defiantly worked past his favorite color. Phil would confess things like how he disliked it when people called him Philip or how he’d been to a few foster homes that hadn’t worked out.

 

 

Eventually they started to ask him to out to places, they would go and grab a late lunch, or even catch an evening movie. It was strange, it was like a date but with two adults who wanted to be his parents. Or at least he’d started to assume that’s what was happening. They’d promised that he’d meet Dan eventually but it just never seemed to pan out.

 

 

Phil still didn’t know he felt about it, every night he’d go to sleep with a combination of feelings. He was convinced that they’d eventually come to their senses, they’d realize soon enough that Phil was not the teenager they wanted in their family. But every once in a while he’d let himself picture what life would be like with them. He could meet Frank the cat and maybe become friends with Dan. He’d have his own room and he’d have a family again, a real home. But as soon as the thoughts came, Phil would do his best to push them out.

 

 

He was broken and when it came down to it, he wasn’t worth their time. The Howell’s might have thought they wanted him but eventually they’d know the time they had spent with Phil was wasted.

 

 

Another month later and Phil walked into the now familiar room. Thankfully Howard had forced one of the windows open and the janitor had been remembering to clean and dust more often.

 

He’d thought they were just going to have their typical Friday visit. He’d tell them how his test went when they asked and maybe Howard would share some stories from work. But when Phil walked into the room it took every ounce of courage not to walk back out. It wasn’t just Sharon and Howard in the room. It was Miss Moore and his case worker, the youth shelter’s counselor, and even a few faces he didn’t recognize. Obviously someone had to have shoved quite a few more chairs into the room to accommodate everyone.

 

 

Sharon and Howard were smiling from ear to ear and even Miss Moore looked excited. Phil knew right away what was happening. “Phil, we’ve got something very important we want to talk about,” Miss Moore asked. It felt like déjà vu.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

“So this is your last night here?” Brandon asked as he watched Phil pull his clothes out from his assigned dresser. Brandon wasn’t sure how he felt about sharing a room with just Colin. At least when Phil was there they the two blonds tried not to scream at each other.

 

 

“Probably not, I’m sure I’ll be back at some point,” Phil softly before attempting to shove everything inside of his backpack. When he realized he couldn’t, he pulled himself off the floor to see if he could find his old duffle bag.

 

 

“What do you mean you’ll be back at some point?” Colin asked as he pushed his science book away. He sat up from his spot on his bed and raised an eyebrow at the other. “You don’t think they’re going to keep you or something?”

 

 

That was a hard question to answer but honestly Phil doubted the placement would last long. He’d screw something up and they’d eventually get sick of him. It was what Phil was good at, screwing things up and making a mess of every situation. Maybe it was for the better that way, they wouldn’t have to put up with him and Phil could come back and finish out the last of his _sentencing_.

 

 

“No, I don’ think it’s going to work out,” Phil admitted as he pulled a larger bag out from under his bed. “It doesn’t really matter to me.” As soon as the words had left Phil’s mouth Colin was jumping off his bed and invading Phil’s personal space. The room was small enough without the blonde’s face inches away from his own.

 

 

“Well make it,” Colin snapped, his as his eyes narrowed dangerously. “Make it out work.” Phil didn’t know where all that was coming from. For as long as he’d shared a room with the older boy he’d thought Colin had a mild disposition. “Do you know how lucky you are? You get a chance at having a family again, a normal life, you get to leave this place. Don’t ruin it,” Colin huffed before taking a step back. “Do you know what I’d give to get out of here?”

 

 

“I-uh-I…” Phil stuttered as he struggled to find the right words to use. He hadn’t thought that Colin was going to be offended by what he’d said.

 

 

“You’re going to go live with people who give a shit about you, that’s more than we have,” The blond said as he gestured over to Brandon who was now, for the first time ever, sitting quietly on his bed. “More than anyone here has. You get the chance to have a normal life, with holidays, birthdays, and-and happiness!” Colin frowned as his eyes went misty. Phil had never seen him cry before, well he wasn’t crying but it was close enough. “You better not ruin this for yourself,” he sighed before shaking his head in dismay.

 

 

Phil stared silently for a moment before nodding. He’d never thought of it that way. He’d never considered that he was getting something nobody else there was. For some reason he’d been given a chance the rest of them hadn’t. He knew he should feel good about it, feel privileged and grateful. But instead Phil felt an overwhelming sense of pressure weighing down on him. ‘How selfish?’ He thought sadly to himself.

 

 

“Hey, Phil…if you’re not coming back can I have your headphones?” Brandon piped up from his spot on the bed, the serious look he’d worn moments ago was gone, replaced with something close to understanding and approval.

 

 

“Sure, Brandon. You can have the,” Phil smiled lightly before moving on to pack the rest of his things up. The fact that it could all fit inside a duffle bag reminded Phil just how little he had in the world.

 

 

 

“Come and say hello if you ever get the chance,” Miss Moore said with a smile as Phil shuffled over to Howard and Sharon. This was it, he was leaving, and everything he had was in the backseat of their car. Phil felt shell-shocked. After four years he was going to a real home, not some foster family that didn’t want him in the first place. He was meant to be going somewhere permanent.

 

 

He didn’t want to ever see the place again but there was a bit of fear still that he would. “Sure, Miss Moore,” Phil said as he gave her a gentle wave. He knew she was more his family than anyone, she’d been there as long as Phil had. But she was just a familiar face he’d grown used to. He glanced back at the other two, waiting for their direction.

 

 

“Alright, well I think that’s everything,” Howard nodded as he grabbed the door, holding it open for his wife and Phil. From there Phil endured the short ride to their house. They had made small talk but Phil was much too nervous to say a whole lot. Then again though he never did have much to say, another reason why he wondered how they had wanted to take him home.

 

 

It wasn’t like Phil had never left the shelter since he’d been there but now he found himself on a side of town he hadn’t been to before. He took his surroundings in, watching as the world flew by from his back seat window. Vaguely he could make out Sharon talking about how wonderful everything was going to be. Phil wished he could share her enthusiasm but it was much harder for him.

 

 

Phil had allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts, it wasn’t until they pulled up to a large two story craftsman with a wraparound porch that he snapped back to reality. Right away Phil was taken with the house, it reminded him so much of where he once lived. For a moment, just a split second, Phil felt like this might be home. “We’re here,” Howard said as he pulled into the drive way. Before he knew it the two were looking back at him with such happiness that Phil couldn’t help but smile back at them.

 

 

Howard helped Phil grab his things from the back while Sharon hurried to open the door. He loved it even more when he stepped inside. The house was large but cozy, it had a warm vanilla smell, and there was just something about it that made him want to be there. “I was really hoping Dan would be here,” Sharon said before heaving a sigh. “He’ll be home tomorrow though, I wanted him to meet you as soon as we got in but he’s been on a road trip with his friends for the last couple of days.”

 

 

 

Phil felt nervous all over again. It had been three months and while he’d heard plenty about Dan he’d never once met him. The Howell’s always seemed a bit exasperated with Dan but they spoke of him with fondness and love. And if he was their son he must be just like them, right?

 

 

“Let’s go get settled in, okay?” Howard suggested as he closed the door behind them. “We’ll give you a tour of your new home.” The words almost physically hurt and no matter how pessimistic and negative Phil been about having a family, he was beginning to realize that he wanted nothing more.

 

 

“It reminds me of my old house,” Phil mused as they finished showing him the downstairs. Everything in the house was bright and cheerful, from the chairs in the kitchen to the rugs on the hardwood floor.

 

 

“We want you to feel as at home as possible, this is where you live now,” Sharon said as she led Phil up the stairs to his room. “Your room is next Dan’s, he likes to make videos so don’t be too alarmed if you hear him talking to himself,” she laughed before pushing the far left bedroom door open. “Here it is.”

 

 

The first thing Phil noticed was the blue and green comforter and the matching rug. His drapes were a softer shade of blue and the lamp on the desk fit nicely in the room, clearly who ever had decorated had put a lot of work into it. The next thing he noticed though were the posters of bands he’d never heard of on the wall. He stared at them for a moment before looking back at Sharon in question. “Dan wanted to uh…help, I told him not to but I guess he went ahead and put his touches on the room,” she forced a laugh before going on. “We can take it down later.”

 

 

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. I’m glad he wanted to help,” Phil offered as Howard set his bag down. He looked around the room again as he continued to take in the small details.

 

 

Sharon had showed him the closet and how, already, she had begun to stock it with clothes. Apparently Dan had put his ‘touches’ there too. He’d thrown in some older sweaters and shirts that he’d decided he disliked. Sharon fretted for a moment. “We’ll go through these later,” she heaved another sigh before closing the door.

 

 

“Honestly, Howard. That boy just threw all the stuff he didn’t want in Phil’s room,” Sharon frowned as the three of them headed back down the stairs.

 

 

“Well that’s what my brother did. Before you know it you’ll be getting their laundry mixed up anyway,” Howard laughed as he took it lightly. Phil wished he knew Dan, it was strange having his clothes and posters in his room when he hadn’t even met the other yet. But overall the whole situation was kind of strange.

 

 

For dinner the couple had made grilled chicken, asparagus, and a fresh salad. One that Phil had proudly help make. He was becoming a bit more relaxed as they talked over dinner. They discussed what Phil’s new school would be like and how Sharon would pick his uniforms up next week. He’d been allowed to miss a week as they had both thought he needed a few days to settle in. Finally they went over the rules and what they would expect.

 

 

It was typical, do a few chores, no drinking, no smoking, no girls without permission, let them know if he left, just things like that. Overall it seemed like everything would be pretty easy to follow. It was nothing compared to the rules at Safe Haven. “I won’t do any of those things,” Phil said quietly. “I mean I will do all those things!” Phil stumbled over his words as he tried to promise he’d behave, “No I mean…I won’t do exactly what you just told me not to do.” His jumbled words had earned him laughs from each of them.

 

 

Finally at the end of the day he was able to meet Frank. Apparently Frank was not a boy like he’d assumed, they had mistakenly named her when she was a kitten. They hadn’t realized she was a girl at the time and when they were able to tell the difference, the named had already stuck. “She’s really sweet,” Phil smiled as she rubbed herself against his legs. When it was time to turn in for the night Frank and him had quickly became best friends.

 

 

“Can she sleep with me?” Phil asked as he picked her up, holding the cat close to his chest as she purred loudly. He might have felt better about everything but he was still scared and nervous, maybe if he could cuddle up to a furry creature it would help. He’d always loved animals but had never actually had a pet.

 

 

“Sure, I don’t see why not,” Sharon smiled as she turned the television off. “You and her head up to bed, but listen, don’t hesitate to come and get us if you need anything alright?” She said softly as she placed a hand on his shoulder. She hesitated for a moment before sniffing softly, “You have no idea how happy we are to have you be part of our family,” she grinned but her eyes were glassy and Phil could tell she was about ready to cry.

 

 

Phil didn’t know what to say, thankfully though he didn’t need to speak because she was already pulling him into a hug. Frank squirmed in his arms, clearly not happy about being squished between the two. “Thank you…for letting me be part of your family,” Phil whispered as she pulled away.

 

 

“Okay, getting too emotion,” She laughed before patting the other’s face gently. “Bed, I’ll see you in the morning alright?” Phil nodded and slowly began to head up stairs.

 

 

He sat Frank down before changing into a pair of sweats and an old shirt. Suddenly the room seemed much more daunting. The shadows of the trees loomed against his wall eerily. He padded over to the window and attempted to close it, for some reason though it was stuck and refused to lower. Giving up, Phil headed over to the bed where the black and white cat was already fast asleep.

 

 

He pulled the blankets down and crawled in between the sheets before closing his eyes. He longed for the one place he never thought he’d miss. He wished he was back at Safe Haven, he wanted to hear Colin and Brandon yelling at each other, he even wanted to hear Ethan banging angrily on the walls swearing at them to go to sleep. While his bedding smelled heavily of fabric softener he wished it was scented a little more like the cheap detergent they used back at the shelter.

 

 

 

Then something happened that Phil never thought would. He began to cry, an overwhelming feeling of homesickness hit him and he couldn’t stop the small sob that escaped him. How could he be homesick when he never had one in the first place? As beautiful as the Howell’s home was he needed the plain dullness of the shelter. He found himself very alone as he attempted to stop his tears. He might have hated the shelter but it was the only place he’d known for so long.

 

_‘Meow.’_ Phil sat up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands as he listened again. _‘Meroow.’_

 

 

“Frank?” Phil asked, whispering into the dark room. Frank who had been asleep not minutes ago was now walking across his bed, eyes bright and tail bushy. “What’s wrong?” He asked as he blinked away the tears. The cat didn’t acknowledge him though, instead she jumped from the bed to the desk, and then to the windowsill. “Frank…don’t.” Phil hissed as he quickly jumped out of bed. It was too late though, Frank had already jumped from the window to the nearest tree.

 

 

“Frank no!” Phil hissed again as he shot across the room. Was she even allowed to go outside? He leaned against the windowsill and watched as Frank expertly climbed down the tree and dashed across the yard. What if something happened to her? What if she got hit by a car or attacked by a dog?! If anything happened to her it would be Phil’s fault, what better reason to send him back to the shelter than indirectly killing the family pet?

 

 

“I have to go get her,” he mumbled as he headed to the door. He might have been crying just seconds ago but remembered Colin’s words. He couldn’t give them a reason to send him back, not on the first night! Carefully and quietly Phil pushed his bedroom door open and tiptoed down the stairs to the front door. He couldn’t let himself get in trouble for accidently letting the cat out. They would never let him live it down if he got sent back over it. He could hear them now. _‘Oh Phil, you’re back so soon? What happened? You let the cat out? And it got hit by a car, and then ate by a rapid dog?!’_

 

Phil unlocked the front door before carefully opening it and slipping outside into the night air. “Frank, kitty, kitty, kitty?” He called softly, hoping against all hope that she would come to him. “Frank, come on kitty, let’s go inside,” he called again before stepping off porch and down into the wet grass below.

 

 

“Damn it, Frank, come on,” He hissed a bit louder as he began to look harder. If only Frank wasn’t white and black. Maybe than she would have been easier to find.

 

 

 _‘Meow’_ Phil’s perked up as he tried to follow the tiny high pitched meow. _‘Meow, meow.’_ Right away Phil knew it was coming from the bushes.

 

 

“Come on Frank, come on kitty, kitty, let’s go inside,” Phil called raising the pitch of his voice just enough to sound more inviting to the cat. When she didn’t come he sighed before dropping to his knees, hoping he could spot her in the bushes. He pushed back the thick shrubs before calling again. He was so engrossed in finding her he didn’t even hear the sound of heavy footsteps right behind him.

 

 

“What the fuck!?”

 

 

Phil jumped and quickly shuffled away from the bushes. There in front of him was a rather tall angry looking figure. “I um…I,” Phil stuttered, slightly scared and lost for words.

 

 

Before he knew what was happening, he was being yanked off the ground by the collar of his shirt. The other had a couple inches on Phil and he was using the intimidation factor perfectly. Phil stumbled into the strangers grasp, accidently pumping into a trashcan, knocking it down to the ground. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, you creep?!” The other barked and Phil flinched as he once again attempted to escape.

 

 

“I was just…the cat!” He cried as the stranger shook him a bit.

 

 

“You like crawling around people’s bushes in the middle of the night, trying to steal cats and shit?!” The stranger yelled and Phil quickly shook his head, his eyes watering up in fear.

 

 

“I wasn’t trying to-” He never got to finish though, suddenly he was being pushed up against the side of the house, the other’s fist inches from his face.   


 

  
“Daniel what in God’s name are you doing?!” Sharon yelled as the front door slammed shut behind her. Howard wasn’t far behind, wearing an equally mortified expression. “Dan!” She yelled as she hurried over to the two. “Don’t you dare punch Phil in the face!”

 

 

“Phil?” Dan asked as he lowered his fist. “What, you mean _this_ is him?” Dan gave his parents a look of pure confusion before he glanced back at the frightened teen in front of him. “I thought he was trying steal the cat!” He huffed before giving Phil some space.

 

 

“I-she-the window was open and-and she jumped out! I didn’t know if she was allowed to or not!” Phil wanted to cry, he’d never been so scared before. He thought meeting Dan was going to be a pleasant experience, not a horrifying one.

 

 

“Its okay, Phil she’s an indoor outdoor cat,” Sharon said softly as she picked up on Phil’s obvious fear.

 

 

“What are you doing home so early, Son? I thought you weren’t going to be here until tomorrow morning,” Howard asked as he too joined the group.

“PJ got sick, we decided to leave early…so this is my replacement?” Dan asked flatly as he glared back at the younger boy who seemed to shrink under his stare.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Morning, Dan,” Sharon said with a smile as she spotted him walking into the kitchen. It was obvious he hadn’t been up long. Dan’s hair hadn’t yet been straightened and his face still held that soft sleep look.

 

 

“Morning mom, morning Replacement,” Dan said as he stifled a yawn. Phil slumped in his seat dejectedly while Sharon shot the other a sharp look.

 

 

It had been nearly a week since their first meeting in the yard and to say that things had been tense was an understatement. Phil was doing his best to stay out of Dan’s way, it wasn’t easy though, not when Sharon and Howard were constantly finding reasons to bring them together.

 

 

 First it was _‘game night.’_ Which Dan complained loudly about, going on about how they didn’t have a game night and that monopoly was stupid. Then it was _‘movie night’_ which Dan also had something to say about. Phil couldn’t remember exactly but he thought it was something along the lines of how, _“Jesus didn’t die so that I would have to watch Nicholas Cage movies with you all night.”_  

 

 

It was clear that that the tension was thick in the house. Phil would timidly glance at Dan only to be glared at in exchange. He quickly learned that it was better to just not try and make eye contact with him. While the rest of the house was cheerful and cozy Dan was like a ball of darkness floating around in the sunshine of it all. Since he’d been there he hadn’t once seen the other teen wear anything besides black.

 

 

“He doesn’t mean that, he knows you aren’t his replacement,” Sharon said, looking at Phil but saying it loud enough so that Dan would hear. “In fact he’s going to be taking you to school today, isn’t that right Dan?” Sharon hummed as she got up from the table, grabbing hers and Phil’s empty plates.

 

 

Dan had just graduated and was currently taking college courses. Thankfully though his classes didn’t start until eleven, leaving the mornings open so that he could run Phil to school. It hadn’t been his idea but his parents were insistent. Sharon had to be a work right when Phil had to leave and Howard left for the hospital hours before any of them were awake. Dan was the only one left with enough time to make sure his _‘replacement’_ got to class on time.

 

 

“Yeah, whatever,” Dan mumbled before pouring himself a bowl of cereal. Phil would be lying if he said he wasn’t scared of the car ride with Dan. The other had barely said two words to him the last week. Already Phi was dreading the awkward silence. In his opinion there wasn’t much worse than that.

 

 

“I can walk, it’s not that far right? I don’t want to be an inconvenience,” Phil suggested as he got up from the table, pushing his chair in and going to stand beside Sharon as she loaded the dishwasher.

 

 

“Oh no, Honey. It’s too far for anyone to walk, Dan doesn’t mind, “She said with another smile. Phil somehow doubted that, judging from the annoyed expression on his face, Phil would say that Dan did mind very much.  The brunette sighed before rolling his eyes and taking himself and his cereal into the living room. “Just remind him when it’s time to go.”

 

 

A few minutes later and Sharon was grabbing her keys and her purse, getting ready to head back to work. “Both of you have a good day alright! Phil, make lots of friends, Dan don’t forget what time to drop him off,” Sharon said as she hurried out the door.

 

 

And then she was gone and it was just Dan and him. Phil stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, he couldn’t help but watch as Dan stirred his breakfast with his spoon absentmindedly. “I um…I don’t actually know what time school starts,” Phil mumbled as he played with the sleeves of his shirt.

 

 

“It starts whenever I get you there,” Dan sneered before hauling himself up off the sofa and heading back towards the kitchen. Phil frowned as he watched the other disappear. A couple minutes later Dan was back, ignoring the raven haired teen and jogging up the stairs.

 

 

Phil sighed as he flopped down in the spot Dan had just abandoned before grabbing the remote and turning the television on. He knew class started at eight something but he didn’t actually start getting worried until eight fifteen. He glanced up the stairs, hoping Dan would come waltzing down. When he didn’t Phil internally panicked. It was his first day in a new school, he couldn’t really afford to be late.

 

 

As it turned out Dan didn’t come down until nine, by now his hair was straightened and he was fully dressed. Phil had to admit he was rather attractive. But at the moment he was much too frustrated to give it a second thought. “Let’s go before I change my mind,” Dan muttered as he walked out the door.

 

 

The car ride was just as weird as he thought it was going to be. Thankfully Dan turned the radio up and they rode in silence the whole way there. Phil swallowed the thick knot in his throat as he stared at the large school. His old school was much smaller and he’d been there for long enough to know what to expect and what not to. “You scared?” Dan asked softly as he turned the radio down.

 

 

Phil was slightly shocked that Dan had asked him a question. He nodded silently as his eyes flickered over to the others. “It’s really big,” he mumbled. He was, in some way, waiting for Dan to say something encouraging or comforting.

 

 

“Good, cause they’re going to eat you alive,” Dan smirked as Phil’s eyes widened. “Seriously, you better watch your back, I went to school here.” Phil stared at Dan, his words were as far from comforting as they could get. “They’re the sharks and your dead in the water. Now get out,” Dan chuckled as he waited for Phil to exit his vehicle.

 

 

Phil opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Instead he grabbed his bag, sent Dan another look, and got out. As soon as he shut the car door Dan was speeding off, leaving Phil to fend for himself.

 

 

He took a moment to look up at the historical school, while it was pretty in its own sense, it also made Phil’s stomach turn nervously. In a lot of ways it was a new start, a chance to have actual friends. It had been ages since he’d had that. Once his old friends found out about what had happened they quickly stopped talking to him. Phil knew it was mainly because no one knew what to say to him. That and maybe they were scared they would just make everything worse. Phil knew it wasn’t they’re fault. If it had happened to someone else, Phil didn’t know if he’d know what to say either.

 

 

When Phil walked in it wasn’t hard to find the office, from there though he learned that he’d already missed his first hour. The lady at the front desk was nice enough to excuse him since it was first day but she’d urged him to hurry because second hour was about to start.

 

 

The day consisted of Phil getting lost to every single one of his class. Once he finally did find the class he’d have to introduce himself, being late sort of made that easier. It gave whoever was teaching the class a good opportunity to work in Phil’s arrival.

 

 

It didn’t take long for Phil to realize that it wasn’t nearly as bad as Dan had tried to make it seem. While not many people talked to him, nobody was shoving him into lockers or beating him to a pulp. Overall he couldn’t say he’d made any friends…however there was this one boy. His name was Charlie and he’d been the first person to talk to him. In fact Charlie had even let Phil sit with him at lunch.

 

 

The conversation had been short but pleasant. Charlie had asked Phil if he was new, which was obvious. Phil didn’t mention it though, instead he simply said yes. He didn’t exactly know why Charlie had decided to talk to him, Phil felt like he was blending into his surroundings fairly well. It wasn’t that he was complaining, he was just always surprised when someone noticed him or took an interest in his life.

 

 

Of course Phil didn’t mind Charlie, he talked a lot but that worked out. It meant all he needed to do was listen. By the time lunch was over he knew which classes were the other’s favorite, how old he was, which classes he hated, his favorite bands, and that he liked Phil’s shirt. Phil didn’t know if the invite to share a lunch table would still be valid tomorrow but he’d appreciated the other’s company.

 

 

Finally the end of the day came, while Phil had decided that his first day had been successful, he was more than ready to leave. New things were sort of exhausting, at least they seemed that way. “Hey Phil, wait up!” Phil turned around and spotted Charlie running over to him.

 

 

“Hey,” Phil smiled softly as he gave a small wave. Charlie skidded to a stop in front of him, slightly out of breath but smiling brightly in return. “You didn’t have to run,” Phil laughed, shaking his head lightly.

 

 

“Sorry, I got excited. Are you walking home?” Charlie asked as the two of them exited the main entrance. Phil shook his head as he headed to the place where Dan had dropped him off that the morning. He figured that would be where he’d pick him back up at. “Riding the bus?” Charlie tried again as he followed the other.

 

 

“No, I’m waiting for Dan,” Phil sighed, he wasn’t exactly looking forward to seeing him in again. Not after their conversation that morning.

 

 

“Who’s Dan?” Charlie asked as he stood next to Phil. They weren’t brothers, not really. He didn’t want to fill Charlie in on that whole situation though. But what exactly was Dan to Phil?

 

 

“I live with Dan,” Phil said softly as he leaned up against the school’s gate. That would have to be enough for now. Charlie seemed to pick up on Phil’s uneasiness and dropped it.

 

 

“Oh, when is he coming?” Charlie asked as he too decided to lean up against the gate as the two of them waited. Phil wasn’t sure, he’d never gave Phil a time or anything like that.

 

 

“I don’t know, he was late dropping me off today, that might mean he’s going to be late picking me up.” Phil wondered if class finished when Dan got there as well, already thinking back to what he’d said that morning.

 

 

“I can wait with you, he’ll probably be here soon though,” Charlie smiled at Phil once again as they waited for Dan.

 

 

The two chatted aimlessly for a while, they kept the conversation light as the minutes passed. Again, it was mainly Phil just listening as Charlie went on about some movie he’d seen. But eventually they started to run out of things to converse about.

 

 

“Uh, Phil…are you sure he’s coming it’s been like an hour almost,” Charlie mumbled as he glanced around. They were practically the only two there. Even most of the teachers had left at that point.

 

 

“I’m not sure, no,” Phil frowned as he glanced back at the other. “But you don’t have to wait with me any longer, I’m sure he’ll show up at some point. You can go home if you want.” Phil didn’t really want to be alone but he was starting to feel bad about keeping Charlie so long after school had let up.

 

 

“That’s alright, I don’t mind waiting. You can tell me what you thought of your first day,” Charlie laughed and Phil couldn’t stop himself from grinning back. So he told Charlie what he’d thought and they found more things to discuss for another twenty minutes.

 

 

This time Charlie had learned Phil’s favorite color, his birthday, his favorite book, and what his favorite ice cream flavor was. It wasn’t much but it was what the foundation of all good friendships were founded on. Again the conversation dwindled down, they were both getting tired of playing the waiting game.

 

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s not coming,” Phil sighed as he watched the last car pull out of the parking lot. “I think I better…figure something out.”

 

 

“Just call him, I’m surprised he hasn’t called you yet actually,” Charlie said as he bounced lightly against the gate.

 

 

“I don’t have a phone,” Phil shrugged as he tried to figure out what the next step was. He didn’t know either of the Howell’s numbers and he wasn’t exactly sure how to get home.

 

 

“You don’t’ have a phone?” Charlie asked slowly as he gave Phil and odd look. “How do you not have a phone? That’s…insane.” Phil sighed once again, nobody at Safe Haven was allowed to have one. Even if they were Phil wouldn’t have had anyway to pay for it. The Howell’s hadn’t exactly talked about one either. In a way he had been left terribly unprepared for a situation like the one he was. Of course who would have thought Dan was going to ditch him?

 

 

“I just don’t have one,” Phil glanced at Charlie almost pleadingly, he didn’t want to answer questions today. For once things had almost been normal. Having to explain the whole back story would just ruin everything. Not that it wasn’t sort of already ruined by Dan not showing up.

 

 

Charlie once again seemed to get the hint and nodded. “Where do you live than?” Phil glanced down at the ground, he couldn’t exactly answer that either. He’d only been in his new home for a week.

 

 

“Somewhere on Robinson?” Phil offered with an apologetic smile. Charlie frowned back.

 

 

“You don’t know your address?” Charlie asked as Phil shook his head once again. He tilted his head in slight confusion before he remember that Phil was new. “Cause you just moved in, right? Sorry.”

 

 

“Right,” Phil nodded before hesitating. “Do you think you could point me in the direction, I can get there if I have an idea of where I’m going,” he said sheepishly.

 

 

“I can do you one better, I’ll walk you there. But we better get going it’s going to be a long walk,” Charlie said as he shifted his weight off the fence. “Come on then.”

 

 

“No, no, you don’t have to do that. Really, just you waiting with me is enough. You don’t have to walk me home, you’ve probably got things to do,” Phil said quickly, he couldn’t let Charlie do all that. He’d only just met him after all.

 

 

“Hey, it’s no problem. My parents work late so they don’t care what I do as long as I’m home when they get there. Let me walk you, I was new once,” Charlie smiled again as he grabbed Phil’s wrist, trying to pull him along.

 

 

“Are you sure? Because you really honestly don’t have to,” Phil said again but let the other tug him along down the sidewalk.

 

 

“Positive!” Charlie practically beamed.

 

 

 

Forty minutes later Phil finally recognized his new neighborhood. “That wasn’t so bad, we got here quicker than we thought,” Charlie said as the two stopped in front of Phil’s house.

 

“Really?” Phil said as he gave Charlie a knowing look. “It took forty minutes to get here.” Charlie could only shrug in response.

 

 

“I’ve walked further, it’s not so bad. Besides, now you owe me,” he smirked while Phil’s expression became uncertain.

 

 

“I do?” Phil asked as he shuffled closer to the front porch. Charlie nodded in agreement.

 

 

“If and when you get a phone, you have to give me your number,” Charlie laughed while Phil rolled his eyes.

 

 

“Sure it’s a deal,” Phil laughed as well before saying goodbye.

 

 He felt bad that Charlie would have to walk back to his own house but he was eternally grateful. He didn’t know what he would have done if wasn’t for the kindness of the other. He’d probably have gotten lost and never found his way back. It would have involved the police being called and the Howell’s yelling at him, and he’d probably end up back at Safe Haven. At least that’s how it played out in Phil’s mind. 

 

 

When he walked in Dan was slouched on the sofa, a laptop sitting neatly in his lap. For the first time since he’d gotten there he felt a real sense of anger.

 

 

“You didn’t show up…” Phil trailed off as he closed the door behind him. “School ended two and a half hours ago.” Dan finally looked up from his computer and raised an eyebrow as he looked back at the raven haired boy.

 

 

“Mom said I had to drop you off, she never said anything about picking you up. Besides, you got home alright,” Dan said as his eyes dropped back down to the computer screen. “Congratulations on not getting lost or killed on your first day.”

 

 

Dan had Phil there, not once had Sharon said for Dan to pick him up. Phil just assumed it had been implied. For a moment Phil stared sadly at Dan, he knew he wasn’t liked. Dan had a way of making that painfully obvious. It only reminded Phil that he was still unwanted.

 

 

“Right,” Phil mumbled before slowly making his way to the stairs. He’d been exhausted when school had let out. Now he was dead on his feet. If Phil had once decided to look up he would have caught Dan’s guilty stare and how it followed him all the way up the stairs.

 

 

As soon as Phil got to his room he flopped down on his bed and closed his eyes. He felt like crying again, but this time he was able to hold back the onset of tears as he focused on clearing his mind. Somehow in the process of trying not to cry and forgetting about how Dan hated him, Phil drifted on into a restless sleep.

 

 

“Hey, Replacement…Replacement….Damn it Phil, get up! It’s dinner time.” Phil’s eyes shot open as he was startled out of his sleep. What was even more startling that the fact that Dan’s face was inches from his own. At first his expression was somewhat gentle but as soon as he realized Phil was wide awake, it hardened once again. “It’s time for dinner, so get up,” Dan said as he moved from his hovering position. Before Phil could even nod Dan was out of sight once again.

 

 

Phil sighed as soon as Dan was gone he rubbed a hand over his face and sat up. He kicked the blanket off but then suddenly something clicked. Phil hadn’t bothered to climb under his blankets when he’d fallen asleep. The next thing he noticed was that his shoes were off and the backpack he’d dropped on the floor was now neatly hanging up on his closets door knob.

 

 

He blinked in confuse as he tried to remember putting his bag up and taking his shoes off. When he couldn’t recall it he’d decided that maybe it was Sharon or that he’d done it while he was half asleep.

 

 

They always ate dinner late because Howard didn’t get off until seven. It didn’t bother Phil much, mainly he just thought it was nice that they ate together as a family. Another thing he’d missed doing.

 

 

“How was your first day?” Howard asked as he dished his plate up. “Did you make any friends?”

 

 

“Sort of, I think…maybe,” Phil said as he took a bite of casserole. Was Charlie his friend now? How much time had to pass before you considered someone a friend?

 

 

“That’s great! So Dan got you there alright?” Sharon asked, her interest perking some as she learned that Phil had _‘sort of maybe made of friend.’_

 

 

Phil nodded, it wasn’t exactly a lie. Dan had gotten him there after all.

 

 

“And did he pick you up?” She asked, glancing at both boys with question. Dan sent Phil a look that clearly said _‘if you snitch on me, I’ll kill you.’_

 

 

“Yeah, he picked up,” Phil said as he took another bite of his dinner, trying hard to avoid any more questions. Dan seemed to settle back in his chair after that.

 

 

After dinner, Phil was quick to help clean up. Dan had wandered off mumbling something about an essay before leaving the kitchen. Phil wanted to help though, he needed to feel like he was being useful. So he helped Sharon clear the table and start the dishwasher. For some reason he decided to ask her a question. “Hey um…I know I feel asleep today, I usually don’t do that. I think I left my bag on the floor, when I woke up though it was hanging up…did you pick it up for me?”

 

 

Sharon paused in thought before shaking her head. “No Hun, when I came in you were all tucked in fast asleep,” She laughed before taking a dishcloth and wiping down the table. “You must have put it up and forget. You were awfully tired today.”

 

 

“Oh,” Phil trailed off as his own thoughts drifted to Dan. Sharon was right, Phil probably kicked his shoes off his sleep and pulled the blankets up. And he was really tired when he came in. Phil must have put his bag up and forgotten just like she'd said.”


	4. Chapter 4

Dan couldn’t say that he hated Phil, hate wasn’t the right for what he was feeling. He knew he was angrier at his parents more than anything. It really did feel like he was being replaced in a sense. Like he, himself, was so fucked up they needed to go out and get another kid to make up for it, try again, or right their wrongs. So he hadn’t been the perfect teenager but was this really their solution?

 

 

At eighteen Dan wasn’t a child anymore, it didn’t make sense that he’d feel something so akin to jealously. He shouldn’t care if his parents wanted another kid in their life, he had his own life to deal with it. At some point he’d move to university and he’d only have to see Phil at Christmas, if that.

 

 

But it wasn’t fair, he felt like Phil was their redo button. He was sixteen, not grown but close enough. When he’d asked them why they’d simply told him that, “It’s what our hearts are telling us to do.” Dan didn’t know what the hell that meant but no amount of arguing had changed their minds.

 

 

He didn’t exactly understand Phil either, he knew nothing of his back story, a story his parents had said Phil ‘might’ talk about in time. He knew nothing about him expect that he’d quickly stolen the hearts of his parents within the blink of an eye. For months all Dan heard about was Phil _this_ and Phil _that._

 

 

He watched as his mother decorated his room, fretting about what color scheme to use and if he was going to like the clothes she’d picked out. By no means did he accept the younger teen but Dan had felt a pang of sympathy for Phil. While she wasn’t looking he’d thrown in a couple of his old clothes in, just in case Phil was appalled by what she’d picked out. Dan knew he had been.

 

 

While he’d managed to coexist with Phil it wasn’t until that first day he’d forced him to walk home, that Dan felt any real emotion towards him. He knew what he’d done had been cruel, Phil could have easily gotten lost or his parents could have found out. He would have been dead for sure. When Phil walked in two and a half hours later he realized how far it actually was.

 

 

 

 

He watched the other boy tread up the stairs in defeat and he couldn’t stop himself from feeling guilty. While Dan had tried to distance himself, it wasn’t even an hour later he found himself heading up to Phil’s room to check on him.

 

 

 Dan was just going to tell Phil that he needed to unload the dishwasher or something but when he’d walked in the other had been crashed on the bed, sound asleep.

 

 

For a long few minutes he did nothing but stare at the raven haired teen. In that moment he swore he could see right through Phil, he was so broken. Even in his sleep he looked miserable. Whatever heartache he was trying to hide was printed neatly on his sleeve for the world to see. But the world hadn’t even bothered to look twice at Phil.

 

 

Dan moved without thinking, carefully untying his shoes and sliding them off, doing his best not to wake him up. Next he pulled the blue and green blanket over Phil, trying to make sure he’d at least sleep comfortably for a couple hours. Before leaving he’d grabbed the heavy backpack and found a place to hang it up before silently slipping out the other’s room.

 

 

And when Phil had been asked about if Dan had gotten him home alright he’d flat out lied. Dan didn’t know if it was because he’d been scared of him or if he’d really wanted to keep Dan from getting in trouble. God if he’d been in Phil’s shoes he would have told faster than his parents could have listened. He would have said, _‘No! This asshole made me walk all the way home, punish him…stop paying his car insurance or something!’_

 

Even that moment of realization wasn’t enough to stop Dan from taking his frustration out on Phil. He continued to take him to school in the mornings but he hadn’t once picked him up. Yet Phil had still managed to get home and hadn’t spoken a word about it to his parents. Dan knew he should get his act together and stop blaming Phil for the dwindling relationship with his own parents but until then he’d continue to avoid him and treat him like an outcast.

 

 

 

Dan and PJ had been on the sofa playing a game of Super Mario when Phil walked in from school. Dan hadn’t even blinked but, as it turned out, he’d forgotten one little thing. He hadn’t exactly informed PJ of the new _addition_ to his family.

 

 

“Uh, Dan, some kid just walked into your house!” PJ said as he gave him an incredulous. “Did you just not notice or...” PJ turned to watch Phil who had stopped to stare back at Dan’s friend. “Are you not seeing this!?” PJ yelled while Dan sighed softly.

 

 

“That’s just Phil, he’s new,” Dan mumbled, referring to Phil as if he was a new pet or something. He paused the game before turning to glance at Phil as well. “My parents got him, but he’s on his way to take his afternoon nap. Isn’t that right Replacement?”

 

 

“I wouldn’t be tired if I didn’t have to walk home every day,” Phil shot back as he turned to head up to his bedroom. He didn’t get far though before PJ was intervening.

 

 

“Wait, wait, wait hold on!” PJ said as he hopped off the sofa. “What do you mean your parents got him? Like from a relative or something?” He asked as he approached Phil with interest. “Where exactly did you walk from?”

 

 

Before Phil could answer Dan was pipping up. “No, they adopted him. And he walked home from school,” Dan frowned as he hauled himself off the sofa as well. “Any more questions?”

 

 

“Yeah, a lot actually?” PJ huffed as looked intently at Phil, as if he was studying a strange specimen under a microscope. Phil however didn’t seem to like it, instead he shyly backed up, dropping his gaze to the floor. It didn’t exactly help that the two were talking about him as if wasn’t right there.

 

 

 “He walked from school…like our old school?” He asked while Dan nodded his head. “Jesus you made him walk all that way?” PJ asked slightly unbelieving.

 

 

“Oh come on it’s not that bad!” Dan said loudly as he crossed his arms. “Are we going to play or not?”

 

 

“No! There is literally a kid here that I never met and you want to play video games?” PJ said as he moved to touch Phil’s hair, Phil of course quickly bagged away even further. His back was almost pressed against the living room wall as he started to eye PJ wearily. “When were you going to tell me about this?”

 

 

“I’m not a kid, I’m almost eighteen,” Phil frowned as his eyes flickered to Dan, silently begging him to get his friend.

 

 

“You’re almost seventeen, not eighteen,” Dan deadpanned as he moved to join PJ. “Big difference,” he said watching as Phil lightly batted PJ’s hand away again. “I’m telling you now so just leave him alone alright? Didn’t you say you had some black cats in your bag, I thought you wanted to pop those outside?” He said as he tried to tug PJ away from the other boy.

 

 

“Two years away _is_ an almost,” Phil mumbled as PJ finally let up. Thankfully the distraction of firecrackers were enough to catch PJ’s interest for the moment.

 

 

“Yeah, actually I did want set those off, Phil you want come? I know Bonfire night’s still a month away but I bought some cheapie fireworks early. Just sparkles, a couple black cats, shit like that,” PJ said as he grabbed his own bag from off the sofa.

“Aren’t those illegal in city limits?” Phil asked with a nervous hint to his voice. Dan rolled his eyes and heaved another loud sigh. Phil didn’t know if Dan was huffing because PJ had invited him along or if it was the fact that he’d questioned the legal status of it.

 

 

“We’re only doing a few in the backyard, don’t you want come?” PJ asked as he tilted his head in confusion. Phil shook his head as he stepped closer towards the stairs.

 

 

“I don’t really like firecrackers,” he mumbled again before sending Dan another pleading look.

 

 

“What do you mean you don’t like firecrackers? Sixteen year olds love firecrackers, hell eighteen year olds love fire crackers!” PJ seemed to be having a hard time accepting the fact that Phil had turned him down.

 

 

“Just come on, Phil. He’s not going to shut up until you say yes,” Dan groaned before pushing past the too and shuffling to the back door. Why did PJ have to say anything? Why did Dan have to say anything? It was bad enough his parents were taken with Phil, now his own friends had to be fascinated as well?

 

 

The three of them stepped out onto the patio, PJ already digging around his bag and pulling out the miniature explosives. “It’s not dark enough for sparkles,” Dan pointed out as he took a seat on the concrete bench. Dan knew firecrackers weren’t nearly as cool as they were when the two had been fourteen but it was something to do. In other words they were ‘okay’ but he’d rather be back on the sofa playing video games but that didn’t seem to be happening anytime soon.

 

 

“Really I don’t like firecrackers,” Phil mumbled again as stayed further back, not daring to join Dan on the bench and not wanting to get too close to PJ.

 

 

“Yeah, we know. That’s like the third time you’ve said it,” Dan grumbled in annoyance. How many times was Phil going to go over that fact?  “We’re only doing a couple, damn,” Dan rolled his eyes again before watching as PJ pulled them out of his bag.

 

 

PJ frowned softly as he gave Dan a look, the other couldn’t understand why his friend was being so hateful all of a sudden. He ignored Dan though and glanced back to Phil, a gentle smile on his face. “It’s not so bad, have you never fired them before? I mean they aren’t like the big ones you see at displays. Still fun though,” PJ explained as he gave Phil another quizzical look.

 

 

Phil only shrugged, looking away once again. That was another thing that irked Dan, the fact that Phil couldn’t seem to hold eye contact with someone for more than three seconds.

 

 

“Come here, you can do the first one,” PJ’s smile never faulted as he waved Phil closer. On the concrete patio he’d had laid out a strand of dark cylinder shaped objects. They were all stringed together and didn’t look big at all. But Phil had a reason why he didn’t like firecrackers, it didn’t matter how small they looked, it was the sound they made. “Come on, it’s fun,” he said as he pulled a lighter out of his pocket.

 

 

Dan watched as Phil stood perfectly still, an expression of fear on his face. From the looks of it, he figured the other wasn’t going to go through with it. “Just light the damn thing, Phil. Fuck!” Dan yelled as he threw his arms in the air. “I promise I’m not going to let you blow your hand off or something.” At that point Dan just wanted to get it over with it.

 

 

“Don’t be such a dick!” PJ yelled back, he too was starting to grow impatient with Phil though. “Come on, man. Its fine, nothing’s going to happen.”

 

 

“Just light the wick,” Dan directed in exasperation from his seat on the bench. “PJ don’t let him fuck it up, if anything happens my parents are going to be pissed.” 

 

 

‘It’s not going to be like last time, you can do it. Everyone is watching you.’ Phil thought to himself as he shuffled closer and took the lighter from PJ. ‘It’s just a stupid sound, it means nothing,’ it was a poor attempt at a pep talk but it was all Phil could manage at the moment.

 

 

He rolled the lighter in his hands for a moment before igniting the flame. Carefully Phil held it up to the wick, keeping it steady until it caught fire. Phil quickly stepped back as he watched the wick become shorter and shorter. Then it happened.

 

 

‘POP, POP, POP.’ Each black cylinder exploded with a loud bang and Phil was falling back into the final memory of his life before everything changed.

 

 

Phil had promised himself it wasn’t going to happen but it did. The sound had brought him right back to that night, instead of on the Howell’s patio he was in his old bedroom and he was thirteen again. He was sitting on his bed, too scared to move, a horrible feeling in his gut. And then he was running out of the room, running as fast as he could towards the sounds. His world crashed around him for a second time as he stumbled into the living room. All he wanted to do was wake up from the nightmare.

 

 

In reality though Phil wasn’t running out of his bedroom, instead he was literally running back inside the house and up the stairs _to_ his bedroom. He slammed the door and quickly fell into his bed, shaking and willing himself to just forget again.

 

 

“What the fuck was that?!” Dan asked as he quickly stood up. Neither had expected for Phil to go flying off like that.

 

 

“I guess he really doesn’t like firecrackers…” PJ trailed off as the firecracker fizzled out until it was finally dead.

“Christ, he’s weird,” Dan muttered before shaking his head.

 

 

“I don’t think Phil’s feeling well, he hasn’t come out of his room and when I asked if something was wrong he just said that he was tired.” Sharon as she slipped her shoes off before taking a seat next to Dan on the sofa. “You think somethings wrong with him, has he said anything to you?”

 

 

Dan quickly shook his head, no way was he going to tell her about the incident that afternoon. It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried to get Phil out of his room, the other had simply refused though.

 

 

_“Care to explain what hell happened back there?” Dan asked as he pushed the other’s bedroom door open. “First you whine about the firecrackers and then you freak out and run off?” Dan asked as he stood in the doorway, his tone tight and demanding._

_“I don’t want to talk about it,” Phil mumbled before he rolled over in the bed, facing way from Dan. Instead he stared at the wall, his expression blank and empty. Just like he felt._

_“You don’t think you owe me some kind of explanation?  It’s one thing to embarrass yourself in general but to embarrass yourself in front of my friend?” Dan’s tone softened just a bit. It didn’t matter though because after that Phil had refused to say anything else._

“Do you think he’s sick, would he tell us if he was sick? Maybe he needs to see a doctor,” Sharon said worriedly as she tried to think of why Phil would be tired.

 

 

“Yeah, maybe he needs a psychiatrist,” Dan mumbled as he slumped down into the sofa.

 

 

“Dan!” Sharon said, slapping her son lightly on the shoulder. “That’s nothing to joke about it.” Dan sat up straighter, turning to look at her in disbelief.

 

 

“You know you haven’t even told me where he was before that orphanage or whatever, do you even know? The least you could have done was fill me, I know nothing about him, he could be insane for all you know,” Dan scowled at her, the feeling of bitter jealousy returning.

 

 

“I know where was born, who his parents were, what happened to his parents, and everything in between. He’s not insane and maybe if you would take a little time to get to know him you’d realize this,” Sharon said, her words leaving no room for argument.  “Now I’m going to go order pizza before your dad gets home, I hope your attitude is different by the time I get back.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Phil, pizza’s here. Don’t you want any?” Sharon asked softly as she sat on the edge of the boy’s bed. Phil sat up but silently shook his head. “Are you sure, do you want come down and watch a movie with us, you can pick,” she smiled trying to tempt the other out of bed.

 

 

“Is it okay if I just stay here, I was kind of thinking about going to bed early,” Phil mumbled just loud of enough to be heard.

 

 

“Alright, well if you’re sure. If aren’t feeling better by tomorrow, I’ll call you in. Maybe you’re coming down with a cold or something,” she mused as she thought once again of all the things that could be wrong. She patted his leg affectionately before getting up. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

 

 

“Okay, thank you, I’m sorry…for not having pizza and watching movies,” Phil said as he felt the need to apologize to her. The Howells had done so much for him already, he wished he could have found the drive to force himself out of bed and just endure it.

“There will always be pizza to eat and movies to watch, right? Just get some rest,” she replied softly before flicking the light switch off in Phil’s room, leaving him in darkness once again.

 

 

As soon as she’d stepped out into the upstairs hall she’d ran straight into Dan who was looking slightly smug. “It’s only been a month, don’t tell me he’s already broken,” he said while Sharon frowned disapprovingly.

 

 

“What did I say about that attitude?” She asked as she gave him a knowing look. “What are you doing up here, I thought we were going to eat pizza and watch something, don’t tell me you don’t want to either?” She sighed, realizing that neither teen wanted to spend the evening with them.

 

 

“Nope, I’ve got video’s to make,” Dan said as he moved past her to his own room.

 

 

Dan had attempted to make a video that night, he’d set everything up, planned out what he was going to talk about, and how he was going to say it. But no matter how times he’d tried to get it right he couldn’t seem to. He was too distracted and his voice didn’t sound right even to his own ears. It was like all his words were wrong, they flowed choppy and forced and Dan was getting sick of getting it wrong. It was maybe his twelfth take when he gave up, deciding that he would rummage the kitchen for left overs before trying again.

 

 

When he opened the door to the hall though he stopped dead in his tracks, he could clearly hear the small whimpers coming from Phil’s room. He continued to listen to the pained sounds before stepping closer to the other’s bedroom door. Every few seconds Phil’s sounds would fade out but then they would start up again seconds later.

 

Quietly Dan pushed the door open, stepping inside. He just wanted to make sure the other wasn’t crying or something, if so he was going to tell him to knock it off. But deep down it was the worry that had caused him to check on Phil.

Phil wasn’t awake though, he was asleep in bed with the blanket kicked around his legs. He had that miserable look about him, the one that caused Dan’s heart to clench tightly in his chest.  Phil seemed to be having a nightmare, there was a thin sheen of sweat to skin like he’d been struggling and his broken sounds gave everything away. Was it because of that afternoon?

 

It had made Dan’s heart hurt, so much that he’d actually sat down on the edge of the other’s bed. “Hey…” he whispered softly, reaching up to press his hand against Phil’s cheek, no longer scared of waking him up. “Shh, it’s okay, you’re fine,” Dan hushed softly as pushed damp hair out of the other’s face with a gentles he didn’t know he possessed. “You’re okay,” he whispered again as he watched Phil begin to settle down.

 

“I’m sorry,” Dan whispered sadly as he stroked Phil’s cheek again, he was overwhelmed with guilt once more. “I didn’t know it was going to be like that,” he confessed to Phil’s sleeping form, knowing it was the only time he could apologize for his actions.

 

Phil seemed to visibly relax, causing Dan to do the same in return. He watched as Phil’s expression went from pained to calm, like it should have been all along. Dan stared for a few more minutes, just watching as the moonlight hit Phil’s face, illuminating it beautifully.  It was like he was captivated, mesmerized by how ethereal Phil was in that moment. It was a mystery as to how someone could look so truly perfect.

 

Soon enough though Dan forced himself to look away, raising from the bed, before pulling the blanket back up to Phil’s shoulders and tiptoeing back out of the room, he was satisfied that Phil would sleep peacefully.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for insanityplays. She's done so much work on the new chapter and I don't know what I would have done without her! So I'm excited to say that we'll be working together on the rest of Get Better!

Phil didn’t see PJ again. It seemed either the other boy was avoiding him, or, more likely, Dan had decided Phil had embarrassed them both enough as it was after his display in their backyard.

In fact, for the next couple of days Phil came home to an empty house. There was no Dan in his usual spot playing video games on the couch, nor was he upstairs in his bedroom, the kitchen, or even the bathroom. 

To say this was a relief to Phil would be an understatement. He’d woken up the morning after the firecracker incident from a restless sleep filled with nightmares and unfortunate tear tracks down his cheeks. His chest had felt hollow and constrained for the rest of the day, and Dan had been nothing but rude the entire car ride to school.

“You’re kind of a freak, you know that?” he’d said, a disgusted sneer on his face as he stared straight ahead, like he was too disgusted to even look Phil in the face. 

The words had hurt probably more than they should have, but Phil had held it inside, relieved for the first time since he’d started school that he would have to walk home.

Finding the house empty had been like a god send, and he’d marveled in the freedom to actually watch TV in the lounge and cook himself a late lunch in the kitchen without being glared at by Dan. It seemed to make Sharon and Howard happy as well to find that Phil wasn’t taking naps after school anymore, and though they seemed troubled by Dan’s new late-night antics, Phil couldn’t bring himself to care.

Even movie night was becoming more bearable. Sharon and Howard made Phil feel welcome and home, and they made him laugh more than the kids at Safe Haven ever had. Suddenly, coming to live with them didn’t seem so bad.

“So, did you want to come over after school today?” Charlie asked at lunch that day. Phil looked up in surprise, unsure and wavering. 

Charlie had turned out to be a pretty great friend so far. He didn’t push where Phil didn’t want him to push, though his curiosity was clearly insatiable, and he even walked Phil part of the way home, diverting off towards his street half way to Phil’s street. He made sure Phil wasn’t alone during break or lunch, and he’d even introduced Phil to a few of his other friends. 

Hanging out with him after school didn’t seem like a bad idea, but Phil wasn’t entirely sure that was allowed - at least not without informing the Howell’s first.

“Uhm. I’m not sure, I’d have to ask first.”

Charlie didn’t seem at all put off by this, and he merely shrugged. “Okay, how ‘bout this weekend then? You can settle it with Dan or your parents or whoever, and we can just chill. I’ve got an x-box. We could play Halo 3 or something until you have to go home.”

Phil didn’t know what Halo 3 was, but he agreed nonetheless.

He didn’t actually bring up the whole weekend plans until later that night at dinner. He hadn’t thought it would be awkward until Dan showed up, and then he found himself feeling intimidated to the point where he almost didn’t ask at all.

But how could Dan be angry about Phil not being around for the weekend? So Phil decided to ask anyway, putting his fear out of his mind.

“Er, Sharon -”

“Mum. Please call me mum,” Sharon replied sweetly, a hope in her eyes that told Phil she wanted that more than anything. Phil, on the other hand, just wasn’t sure he was ready. The word felt like ash on his tongue.

He nodded curtly, and her smile wilted, but she didn’t say anything else about it. “What was it you wanted?” she prompted instead. 

Dan’s eyes bore into the side of Phil’s head, angry and hot. Phil gulped.

“Charlie asked if I could come over this weekend. Would that be okay?”

Sharon’s answering grin was so bright Phil was nearly blinded by it, and he blinked in surprise. 

“Yes, of course! Is Charlie that friend of yours you mentioned? That sounds like a great idea. Just remember, curfew is eight. We’ll leave you some dinner in the fridge, so don’t worry about feeding yourself, and stay out of trouble! Are you guys going out, or were you planning on staying home? Maybe we should think about getting you a phone or something so we can get a hold of you…”

As Sharon continued to gush over Phil actually having made plans to hang out with a friend, Dan’s glare at him only grew darker until Phil was shrinking under it, turning his gaze to latch onto eyes so dark they appeared almost black.

The venom and distaste in them almost made Phil wish he hadn’t asked. 

After that, though, dinner seemed to go by quite quick as Dan snarfed down his food so fast Phil felt nauseated just watching him. Howard teased that Dan should slow down, but Dan just rolled his eyes.

“I’ve got plans. Have fun with Replacement tonight,” he said, sneering once more at Phil as he shoved his chair back so roughly, the legs scraped the floor. Phil winced, and ducked his head so his eyes were hidden behind his fringe, but he could feel Dan’s heated glare on the back of his neck.

“Dan!” Sharon reproached for the millionth time, but the heat seemed to be wavering. She was merely weary now. 

“I’ll be back before midnight!” he called in reply, and then he was dropping his dishes in the sink and slamming the back door behind him. The sound of his car engine was not long behind, and then Dan was gone.

The relief that coursed through Phil shouldn’t have been as strong as it was, and yet he couldn’t help the sensation. 

He, Sharon, and Howard had another movie night, with Howard and Sharon cuddled up behind him as he sat on the floor in front of the couch, unable to help his eyes darting subtle glances behind him. He used to sit like this all the time as a child, but his parents had never been the cuddly type.

They had always been more likely to fight, going so far as to throw their wedding rings at each other’s heads when things go too bad. 

The contrast of his family with this new one was jarring, and Phil couldn’t stop watching.

Every time Sharon caught him looking, she’d smile sweetly, and Phil would be reminded that she knew. She knew everything, and she still wanted him anyway.

Blinking back sudden tears, Phil tried to focus on the movie after that, but it was hard when the nightmares were still fresh in his mind from last night.

Maybe it was the exhaustion, or the lack of an afternoon nap, but soon, Phil was fast asleep.

The weekend came faster than Phil had anticipated. Charlie dragged Phil down his street and straight up to his door on Friday afternoon to make sure Phil knew where to find him since he didn’t have a phone, and they agreed to meet up around noon the next day. 

Phil didn’t immediately see Dan when he got home, but it only took reaching the top of the stairs to realize that Dan was definitely there for the first time all week. Phil could hear him speaking through the thin walls, muffled, but almost clear.

There was a loud sigh, a frustrated groan, and some weird noise that sounded like it had to have been made by the rolling of a tongue, and then the soft muffled sound of Dan’s voice started up once again. 

Phil knew what Dan was doing - his parents had mentioned it, and Dan had made it clear that Phil better never interrupt him when he was filming - but he still couldn’t help the curiosity that led his feet closer to Dan’s door.

This is a bad idea, he thought, even as he kept moving, biting at his bottom lip and praying he didn’t accidentally trip and piss off Dan anymore. 

He consoled himself for his eavesdropping with the reassuring thought that it was only natural for him to be curious about what kinds of videos Dan made after all.

“...let this kid shoot off a firecracker, and suddenly, it was like someone was trying to snipe him. I’ve never seen someone run so fast. I thought he was going to break down the back gate.”

The sound of a low chuckle from Dan echoed through the door, but it wasn’t really amused. Phil could feel his cheeks heating up in humiliation and shame, tears pricking at his eyes as he turned to his own room, realizing immediately that Dan was talking about him.

The pain came from the knowledge that Dan had turned something that was a legitimate issue for Phil into a joke for views, and it hurt more than it should have.

He never should have listened in. Dan was more of a dick than he’d ever realized.

Dan meanwhile, was frustrated. He’d done this take at least three times, and it just wasn’t coming out right. Vlogging for him used to be a release, a way to talk out the things going on in his life and share himself with people he felt understood him better than his parents, but there was just something about trying to talk about his Replacement that made it difficult to unload.

Even changing the events slightly to hide the fact that Phil existed at all didn’t seem to dampen the guilt Dan could feel swirling through him. The very idea of anyone making fun of Phil for something that was clearly a legitimate issue made Dan’s stomach churn, despite the fact that he’d called Phil a freak for the very same thing. 

Sighing heavily, Dan reached up to his video camera and shut it off before collapsing back against the bed behind him. He ran a frustrated hand through his fringe, and decided to give up on the vlogging for the day. 

Phil, in his videos, was a nameless new neighbor that Dan liked to mess with. So far, the character had been a hit with his viewers, but he couldn’t imagine how it would make Phil or his parents feel if they knew. It didn’t help that Dan felt guilty every time he got a new comment requesting more stories about him.

It was cruel, and Dan knew, more than anything else he’d put the poor kid though, this was the meanest thing he could have ever done.

At least he’d be gone this weekend. His subscribers were waiting for a re-telling about the party Dan was meant to go to tomorrow, and he’d almost been tempted to drag Phil along with him just for some good video fodder. Now, he would have no choice but to leave the nameless character out of his new video, and even as Dan knew his subscribers would be disappointed, it would lessen the feeling of guilt growing in the pit of Dan’s stomach.

His phone rang beside him, and he groaned as he rolled over to grab it. 

“Hello?”

“We’re still on for Saturday night, ey mate?” Chris was shouting, the sounds in the background nearly as loud as his voice.

“Yeah. Are you at Marlene’s? Thought you weren’t going to head over there without me! You know I’ve been trying to get her alone for ages…”

\--

That night Phil went to sleep with another heavy heart. He knew Dan was bringing him up in the videos he was making, and from the sound of it, it wasn’t anything good. He frowned as he stared up at the ceiling, contemplating why Dan hated him so much - it wasn’t that he was trying to take his place, far from it. He wanted to share Sharon and Howard’s love. He wanted to feel like he belonged. 

Phil held back the tears as he rolled over, jostling the cat that had curled up with him. He wanted to be wanted, and he wanted Dan to want him too. Even though he’d finally found a place to call home, when it was late and everyone was asleep, he felt the ache in his chest. Would he ever really belong anywhere? He recalled the words he’d last heard at Safe Haven. ‘Don’t fuck up.’ He sighed inwardly and tried to close his eyes.

When he woke up to Frank scratching at the door to be let out, the first thing he noticed was the time. It was nine thirty and he knew he should get around. Dan was probably asleep and Sharon might be home still, unless she had a house she was showing. And then of course Howard was working a half day. 

He stretched and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He’d always been a morning person, finding it hard to sleep past noon unless he’d stayed up particularly late.

Another meow from Frank let Phil knew she wanted him up and she wanted to start on her own breakfast. 

“Okay, I’m coming,” he mumbled before hauling himself out of bed for the day. He opened the door to let her out before glancing around his room. He knew he should clean it up some before he got ready. He’d heard Sharon going on about Dan’s room and how it looked like ‘A trash truck flipped over and this was the aftermath,’ - her words, not his. Phil made his bed before picking his socks off the floor and putting them in his laundry hamper. When he knew it was good enough, he headed downstairs

Phil had truly expected to find the kitchen empty when he went downstairs. Finding Dan there was a surprise. He was sitting at the table, a bowl of cereal in front of him and his phone in his hand. When he didn’t look up to glare at him, Phil assumed he hadn’t noticed him walk in. 

It was different to see Dan without an angry look on his face. His eyes weren’t the normal shade of dark and angry Phil had grown used to. His features weren’t etched with hate and cold indifference like usual. Instead, his face was soft, his eyes almost warm. Phil he knew he must have just gotten up. He left himself stare for a bit, wishing Dan looked like this more often. He was attractive when he wasn’t snarling at him.

Before he could admire anymore of Dan, brown eyes snapped up to meet his. For a second, their eyes locked, Dan’s soft expression unchanging. And then the second was over and he was giving Phil a hateful look. 

“Can I help you?” he asked with venom. “It’s too early to deal with your shit today.”

Phil’s eyes instantly dropped to the floor, a habit he didn’t think he’d ever break. “Sorry,” he mumbled, unsure if he just wanted to wait until later to find something to eat or to just skip breakfast altogether. “I was just going to…um…” he trailed off, wondering why he bothered to explain himself to Dan at all.

“I don’t really care,” Dan said as he grabbed his bowl of cereal and his phone off the table before getting up. “Sharon is showing a couple houses today,” Dan mocked, giving Phil a knowing look. “She sent me a text. She said to tell you she won’t home before noon,” Dan said giving Phil another harsh look. “She wanted me to clean the upstairs bathroom, take the trash out, and load the dishwasher,” Dan paused before smirking at the other. “So get to it, and you better have it done before you leave. If I get in trouble, you’ll be in even bigger trouble, understood?” Dan spat and Phil couldn’t help but shrink some as he nodded in agreement. It was a clear threat and the last thing he wanted was trouble with Dan or Sharon and Howard. It wouldn’t take him that long anyway. 

“And she wanted me to give you my number in case you needed anything or wanted a ride home,” Dan deadpanned. “Don’t need anything.” And with that he left the kitchen without giving Phil his cell number.

In reality Phil didn’t care. He promised himself he wouldn’t ever ask Dan for anything if he could help it. 

It took longer than expected to get the chores Dan had given him done. After he made sure the bathrooms were cleaned, the dishes were put up, and the trash was taken out, he rushed around to get ready - not that it took long or anything. He didn’t think Charlie cared much about his messy hair or what shirt he decided to wear; he was more worried about getting there on time. He ran down the stairs, trying to pull his shoes on at the same time. 

As soon as he managed to get them tied, his hand was on the door knob. He glanced back up the stairs, debating on if he wanted to bother telling Dan he was leaving. He frowned before shaking his head. Dan was an asshole and he knew he didn’t care either way, so instead Phil jogged down the street, hoping he wouldn’t be too late. 

“Hey, what took you so long?” Charlie asked when he answered the door sometime later, already beckoning Phil inside.

Phil shrugged. “Dan made me take care of some things before I could go,” he replied.

The inside of Charlie’s house was kind of a wreck. The TV in the lounge was blaring some kids show, and as they passed the doorway, Phil looked in to find a little girl and a little boy playing dress up and dolls while My Little Pony played on the TV. Charlie didn’t stop to introduce them, but he did shout to the kitchen as they passed that he had a friend over.

There was no response, so Phil figured it was Charlie’s parent and they didn’t care too much.

“Well, whatever. You’re here now. When do you have to be home?” Charlie wondered, but before Phil could answer, he was shaking his head with a laugh. “And don’t tell me you’re walking home.”

For a second, Phil wanted to hang his head. He knew Charlie was just joking with him, and the last thing he wanted was for Dan to pick him up, but the realization that he seemed to be a confusing dissapointment even to his only friend was a little bit crushing. 

All he wanted in life was to be normal. He was tired of being that kid with the past, the one without parents and no cell phone because he couldn’t afford one. That’s why he hadn’t answered any of Charlie’s questions, that’s why he hadn’t explained who Dan was and why his step-brother was such an asshole.

Phil just wanted to be normal, and the last thing he wanted was for Charlie to look at him with pity in his eyes.

It must have taken Phil too long to reply, because Charlie finally turned around and glanced at him, stopping at the top of his stairs. 

“Hey, I was just joking. If you needed a ride, or something -”

“No, it’s fine Charlie. My curfews eight, but I do have to walk, so I figured I’d leave like seven-ish.” Phil glanced down to check his watch. That gave them a solid seven hours to hang out before he had to go. That was plenty of time, wasn’t it?

“Alright, if you say so,” Charlie replied, and then he was leading Phil to his room.

Charlie’s room was just as much of a mess as the rest of his house, and Phil couldn’t help wondering if this is what it was like to have a proper family. The Howell’s were everything good in the world, except for Dan, but they weren’t home much, and Dan and Phil were on the older side. Charlie’s family, on the other hand, seemed to be the raucous type you saw on TV, the one Phil had always dreamed of when he first got to the orphanage and actually thought he had some magical chance of getting his family back.

There was something that felt so right about walking into Charlie’s room and seeing the laundry all over the floor with a hamper in the corner, the video games and comic books lining the shelves and desk space that was left, that he sat down on Charlie’s bed immediately with a grin.

“So, Halo 3?” Charlie asked.

“I have no idea what that is,” Phil replied, still grinning. 

Charlie looked at him in shock before his face slowly transformed into a grin of his own.

“Well, I guess you’ve got a lot of learning to do then.”

If this was normal, Phil thought, then this is what he wanted in life. If this was normal, then he never wanted to go home, and he’d do anything he could to keep Charlie in his life. 

It turned out video games were fun, more so than Phil had realized. He wasn’t any good at them of course, but it was still fun. Charlie had won just about every time, but Phil was getting a grasp on the concept of the game. “No fair! Really though, I don’t know how to jump well,” Phil laughed, nudging into Charlie again. His tongue poked out between his lips and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt happy like this, real true happiness. 

“I keep telling you how,” Charlie laughed back, taking the control from Phil and showing him again. “Just like this, it’s the ‘O’ button right here.” His voice softened up some as he moved in closer to Phil, making sure that the other could see. “You might never beat me but I’ll make sure you can at least keep up with me. Try again, I’ll help you,” Charlie said as he handed the game controller back, moving in again until their legs pressed against each other. 

Phil couldn’t help but feel hyper aware of that. Somehow he didn’t mind it. The idea of Charlie being so close wasn’t frightening or unnerving. It was nice, and for once, Phil felt like somebody actually wanted to be close to him. 

Before they could start again, a woman in her mid forties walked in looking tired and overworked, but she had kind eyes and a warm demeanor. Her hair was in a messy bun, and her shirt looked like it had pink paint on it. Phil knew instantly that she was Charlie’s mom and that she’d been a mom for a long time. “You boys want something to eat, maybe some sandwiches? I don’t think I’ve seen either one of you move to eat or drink for the last four hours.” 

Phil decided that this was what a mother was meant to look like. Not like his own mother who cried and smelled like booze more often than not. And he thought the world of Sharon but Phil hardly got to see her in anything other than heels and a skirt. Phil would kill to be Charlie, to have brothers and sisters squealing with laughter and making a mess, not glaring him down and forcing him to do his own chores. Charlie had no idea how lucky he was. 

They sat at the table, talking over the sandwiches Charlie’s mother had made them. She made one for herself but it was quickly forgotten when the sound of something breaking came from upstairs. In a second, she was up and yelling about how it better not have been her lamp as she ran upstairs to handle the situation. 

“She’s nice,” Phil said softly, taking a bite of his sandwich.

It wasn’t that Sharon wasn’t nice or anything - she was. She was just...when Phil was younger, he always thought if he ever got a new mother she might be like his mum instead. This was the life he wished for when he’d hid under his covers in the middle of the night, listening to his parents fighting. 

“Yeah, she’s my mum so I can’t complain,” Charlie laughed before his expression changed some. They were quiet for a minute and Phil could feel the question hanging in the air. “So, if you don’t mind me asking what is...what are your circumstances? I mean, you haven’t really said much - not that it bothers me, but I don’t know who Dan is and you don’t really talk about having parents. Is Dan like some creepy uncle you’ve been forced to stay with? Do we need to call the police?” Charlie laughed, trying to lighten the severity of the topic. Phil didn’t laugh though, and he didn’t say anything. Instead, his eyes fall to the table and he wanted to disappear into the floor or something. 

If he told Charlie everything, it wouldn’t really be the same. He couldn’t pretend like his life hadn’t happened, that he wasn’t the kid with a fucked up past, that he wasn’t weird and displaced, as he felt. He didn’t want to tell Charlie about Safe Haven and how he was terrified he’d find his way back, or about how much Dan hated him and how his new ‘parents’ didn’t feel like parents. 

“Hey, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Charlie mumbled before shaking his head. “I don’t need to know or anything, it’s none of my business. Don’t worry about it.” 

Even with the reassuring words, Phil didn’t feel like it was fair. Charlie liked him, he was nice to him, he didn’t feel like a freak around him. Even though Phil had missed out on a normal childhood, he knew enough to know that you didn’t keep secrets from your friends. Charlie had been nothing but sweet and thoughtful, and Phil liked spending time with him. It really felt like he had a friend for once. 

“I don’t live with my parents. I’ve been at a juvenile home since I was thirteen. I have a new family now though,” he said with a soft sigh, finally looking up at the other. “Dan is my...technically I’m adopted and he’s...technically my adoptive brother.” Phil shifted some, hoping that it was enough for Charlie, that he wouldn’t ask for any more information, at least not yet. Phil didn’t know if he was ready to share anything more yet. 

“It’s really new to me. I like Sharon and Howard a lot. They aren’t always home though. They get busy a lot and Dan doesn’t really like me all that much. Everything is - it’s getting better.” At least he hoped things with Dan would get better. He couldn’t help but feel like he was just hoping for the best and expecting the worse. 

Rather than replying to the outpouring of words, Charlie merely reached over and squeezed Phil’s hand. When Phil looked up, Charlie wasn’t looking at him with pity in his eyes - instead, he was smiling gently. 

“Are you done? I wasn’t done kicking your ass at Halo,” he said to change the subject, nodding at the nearly finished sandwich in Phil’s hands.

Grateful his friends hadn’t pushed for more, Phil shoved the last of the crust into his mouth and stood up, racing Charlie to the top of the stairs.

And if he was breathless from laughing, and a little bruised from being shoved into wall, well, he couldn’t have felt more at home.

Eventually, after another couple of hours spent playing Halo, giggling and talking about everything and nothing, Phil glanced at the clock. He knew he needed to leave soon if he wanted to make it home in time. The walk wasn’t exactly a short one. “Charlie, I think I better get going,” he sighed putting down the controller and giving his friend an apologetic smile. He didn’t move to get up though, instead he flopped back against the other’s bed wishing he didn’t have to go. He wanted to curl up in Charlie’s blankets and hide and pretend like this was his home. 

“Hey, it’s alright. We’ll do this again next weekend and I’ll see you at school. Or we can even hang out on a weekday if you think you’re family will let you,” Charlie whispered as he lowered himself next to Phil. They were close now, close enough for Phil to feel the other’s breath puffing against his cheek and to count the dark lashes outlining hazel eyes. “And fuck Dan for being an asshole, I’ll beat him up for you if you want.” 

Phil couldn’t stop the laughter from erupting. “Charlie he’s taller than you are. He’d destroy you.” It was touching though that Charlie had even offered. Nobody had ever offered to fight somebody for him, even if it was laughable. “The last thing I need is you coming home with a black eye and having to explain how my ‘brother’ did it.” No, he’d manage to work it out. Somehow. He didn’t want his friend to worry or to be so transparent to him. 

“It would be an honor to take a beating on your behalf,” Charlie said, giving Phil a smile that hide more than it revealed. Phil laughed again before shoving at the other playfully. His heart swelled some and he decided that he wanted to be Charlie’s friend forever. He’d never had a best friend until now, but the dark haired boy was quickly filling that empty space. 

“Literally shut up,” he giggled before forcing himself to sit back up on the bed. “I really do have to go though. Thank you so much for having me over. It’s been really fun and...it just...it means a lot,” he sighed looking down at the other’s floor. He didn’t know why he felt so sad all of a sudden. Life was meant to be good now. He had a beautiful home, wonderful people who wanted to be his parents, a family. Even if Dan was a bit much, it could be so much worse. 

“Let me walk you home alright? It’s not that far.” Charlie didn’t want to see him going home alone and Phil wasn’t about to refuse the offer. He wanted to stay in the company of someone who actually seemed to care for him for a little while longer. If Charlie coming with him meant they’d get another half hour to talk, he was okay with it. 

After thanking Charlie’s mother for having him over, the two headed back outside. The sun had gone down but the sky was still a nice shade of light blue. The evening had only just begun but Phil didn’t mind. He didn’t mind it when Charlie took his hand and held it in his own the whole way home either. Phil actually thought it was nice, it made him feel warm and wanted and like everything really would be okay. 

He’d never had someone hold his hand before, and some part of him had this feeling that it meant more to Charlie than it meant to Phil, but the warmth of someone holding on to him was difficult to let go of, and so Phil ignored the dark feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him he should put a stop to this before it became much more complicated.


End file.
